One of the things my clients repeatedly point out is that they were clueless about just how much commitment and everyday work fixing a relationship requires. In reality the major part gets implemented by the couple at home through little daily decisions- and so my guidance, even if excellent, can be totally wasted if not put into action.
There is a dyad of important parts at play, a certain type of dance: in a relationship we need to consistently be the best version of ourselves and own who we are whilst gracefully connecting with our beloved one. Now as effortless as this may sound, it is not an easy job at all. Long-term repair is only possible if both partners are fully committed to being their best selves as well as being prepared to allow me as the expert to bring their best selves out during our sessions and challenge them..
A very important part of becoming the best version is remembering why they fell for each other in the first place. Remembering that they used to make each other feel sooooo good. Why do people forget to make the closest person in the world feel great? Give them compliments? Is it because it is way easier to make someone feel horrible, guilty or worthless?
Commitment. Integrity. Dedication. Faith. Resilience. Strength.
Commitment to a relationship and to improving it also requires for both partners to shift from a reactive state and take their individual power back for how they react to each other. How we react to the environment around us thus becomes a conscious decision rather than an automated, learned response. It is not an easy shift to become aware of our behaviour but it is the only way to get out of vicious cycles of disagreements and conflict. That then requires a lot of self-regulation and regular checking in with one self and each other.
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Kat Malickay - Love Molecules 